0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:15 - Mustaches are much discussed.
2:16 - 32:22 - We talk about the Katherine Heigel rom-com 27 Dresses, and show our affinity for the material by staying on-topic almost never.  Also: boobs.
32:23 - 36:30 - Final judgments, in which 27 Dresses manages to SHATTER the Flop House categories.
36:31 - 46:17 - The sad bastards recommend.  Plus, we learn another famous person Elliott has had tangential interactions with.  And also: even more boobs.
46:18 - 48:46 - November-December is Flop House listener pledge drive season - but you don't have to pay us in cash-- just recruit new listeners.
48:47 - 51:30 - We write the great lost sex comedy, "Lustache."
51:31 - 52:55 - Goodbyes, theme, outtakes, and a whole heck of a lot more boobs.

We present this alternate, much shorter, version of the Al Pacino film 88 Minutes.

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.
0:31 - 5:02 - We explain why we're the dynamic duo this week, and talk about how much we miss Stuart.  Also: we engage in the name-droppiest name dropping yet, as Elliott tells the story of the time he met PRESIDENT ELECT BARACK OBAMA.
5:03 - 32:52 - We talk about 88 Minutes, the movie that is a worse example of real-time filmmaking than Nick of Time, and a far worse example of post-mortem semen-swapping than Presumed Innocent.
32:53 - 37:25 - Final judgments, plus a brief side-track into dream analysis.
37:26 - 45:43 - The sad bastards recommend. 
45:43 - 46:32 - We talk about Stuart some more.  Jeez!  Why don't us guys get a room, already!
46:33 - 49:03 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Stuart's harrowing tale of survival is now a zany comedy starring Seth Rogan.

0:00 - 0:39 - Introduction and theme.
0:40 - 41:28 - It's a Flop House event!  We've been waiting so long for the DVD release for M. Night Shyamalan's The Happening that we jump right in and don't stop talking about it for forty minutes.  (Would I call it a "Flop House happening?"  No.  That would be dumb.)
41:29 - 44:17 - Final judgments on The Happening.
44:18 - 48:30 - What the heck.  Final judgments on M. Night, too.
48:31 - 56:40 - The sad bastards recommend.
56:41 - 58:26 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

0:00 - 0:37 - Introduction and theme.
0:38 - 1:54 - The whole team is back together again, so to celebrate they ramble off-topic for a while.
1:55 - 37:13 - We talk about Prom Night, a shocking expose about the incompetence of the Bridgeport police department.
37:14 - 40:35 - Final judgments.
40:36 - 49:27 - We explain why we haven't had the Flop House contest winner on, announce a winner of the Ewe Boll contest, and Dan shamelessly plugs his own project.
49:28 - 52:54 - The sad bastards recommend.
52:55 - 54:30 - Goodbyes, theme, outtakes, and many, many sound effects

We give you directions on how to make your own Flop House at home.

What do you get when Stuart is out of town on vacation, Elliott is busy transitioning from one high-stress television comedy job to another high-stress television comedy job, and Dan is having Internet problems?  A rerun!  Hey, at least we don't do it as much as LOST.  (Well, as much as they used to... before their uninterrupted seasons... lets pretend that joke was still relevant and move on).

In this, one of our favorite episodes, we discussed Bratz-- a movie that was so unexpectedly delightful in its badness that it became the gold standard for Flop House film ratings.  Enjoy.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:45 - We welcome back Elliott Kalan, make fun of Stuart, and reintroduce Ritch Duncan.
2:46 - 40:22 - We make up for our spottily-released late summer shows by making this our second-longest episode ever and spending far too much time discussing Wild Hogs-- possibly more than the screenwriter took to write it.
40:23 - 44:30 - Final judgments.
44:31 - 49:10 - We congratulate Elliott on some huge news, and spend a little time discussing the Ewe Boll contest (with a brief R.I.P. for Dan's local video rental place).
49:11 - 55:56 - The sad bastards recommend.
55:57 - 57:28 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We honor the modern-day Ed Wood with a contest.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:30 - We introduce our guest co-host, leggy comedienne Sara Schaefer.
2:31 - 35:29 - We each give our vantage points on the film Vantage Point.  See what I did there?  I made you want to shoot yourself.
35:30 - 38:40 - Final judgments.
38:41 - 43:28 - We announce the WINNER OF THE FLOP HOUSE CONTEST!
43:29 - 47:17 - The sad bastards recommend.  (Also, according to our web research, the second movie Sara recommends-- the one where she can't remember the title-- is probably Butcher Wing.)
47:18 - 52:11 - Sara plugs some stuff, and Stuart demonstrates his complete misunderstanding of the concept of plugs.
52:12 - 53:29 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We talk with the listeners, walk with the listeners.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 1:57 - We take a moment to discuss Stuart's choice of attire.
1:58 - 38:02 - We discuss the film One Missed Call, the movie that asks the question, "Can anything be all bad, if it involves Ray Wise?"
38:03 - 41:09 - Final judgments.
41:10 - 49:21- The sad bastards recommend.
49:22 - 51:45 - More on the Flop House contest, and goodbyes.
51:46 - 52:30 - Theme and outtakes.

The movie minute is taking a summer vacation this week, but we don't want to leave you empty-handed, so enjoy this audio sketch.

0:00 - 0:33 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 2:47 - We have our usual difficulty getting down to business.
2:48 - 30:30 - Would 10,000 B.C. have been better if it had starred Ringo Starr and Shelly Long?  Yes.  Yes it would.
30:31 - 34:13 - Final judgments.
34:14 - 36:45 - A brief digression about the films of Brendan Fraser.
36:46 - 46:13 - The sad bastards recommend.
46:14 - 52:57 - A greater explication of the Flop House contest, surveys, podcasty business, and goodbyes.
52:58 - 53:39 - Theme and outtakes.

Warm nostalgia swaddles the show, as the gang discusses Teen Wolf.

0:00 - 0:31 - Introduction and theme
0:32 - 30:20 - After welcoming back oft-absent co-host Elliott Kalan and dispensing with some off-topic comics talk, we celebrate Independence Day by examining the slow decline of former America's sweetheart Sandra Bullock in Premonition.
30:21 - 32:05 A slight detour, as the Flop House hosts make out their audio living wills.
32:06 - 36:09 - Final judgments.
36:10 - 40:19 - We rewrite the ending to Premonition.  Also: a lot of nonsense about C.H.U.D.s.
40:20 - 48:40 - The sad bastards recommend.
48:41 - 51:12 - Podcasty business, a NEW CONTEST ANNOUNCEMENT, and goodbyes.
51:13 - 51:54 - Theme and outtakes.

We briefly discuss a barbarian-sized hit. Also: fully clothed breasts!

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 1:21 - We introduce special guest host, Matt Koff.
1:22 - 29:19 - Jump! For my love! Jump in! ...Is a song we'd rather be listening to, than watching the film Jumper, starring Teen Anakin. Skywalker. 
29:20 - 33:50 - Final judgments.
33:51 - 39:11 - A little Unbreakable feedback, and Dan hijacks the podcast for his own petty, personal purposes.
39:12 - 46:25 - The sad bastards recommend.
46:26 - 49:18 - Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Trailers for some of this summer's biggest films.

0:00 - 0:30 - Intro and theme.
0:31 - 1:40 - We welcome back co-host Elliott Kalan after a brief break, and he pitches us a Kalan-centric TV vehicle.
1:41 - 26:42 - A perfectly pleasant conversation about sticking your penis in various foodstuffs is ruined by the film Untraceable.
26:43 - 30:00 - Final judgments.
30:01 - 36:16 - The sad bastards recommend.
36:17 - 38:03 - Shilling for the website - now with fan art and videos!
38:04 - 40:14 - Some final thoughts about Untraceable, fan art, and penises.
40:15 - 41:19 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.

We present an extended cut from a horror movie classic.

In the battle between Alien and Predator, there can be only one winner, and you can bet it's not the viewing public.  Meanwhile, Stuart reveals a shocking secret about vaginas, Dan does a sub-par 70's TV impression, and Lou keeps urging people to draw things.

0:00 - 0:29 - Introduction and theme.
0:30 - 2:35 - We speculate about regular host Elliott Kalan's absence, and learn a little about guest host Lou Fernandez.
2:36 - 32:05 - Alien vs. Predator, possibly the coolest concept in the world, provided you're an acne-riddled 12-year-old.
32:06 - 35:25 - Final judgments.
35:26 - 42:14 - The sad bastards recommend.
42:15 - 45:07 - We draw your attention to Elliott's recent television triumph and plug our website a little.
45:08 - 48:09 - Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

The Flop House makes a foray into near-journalism and visits the NY ComiCon.

We answer the question, "How bad could a movie with dragon wars possibly be?"  Meanwhile, Dan pitches a new Bikini-themed movie, Elliott has a flashback to the war, Stu makes a love connection, and we all take a big swig of the Hong Kong cocktail.

0:00 - 0:32 - Introduction and theme.
0:33 - 26:07 - After a brief and transparent bid for sympathy on Dan's part, we get down to business and discuss D-Wars: Dragon Wars, the film that can't make up its mind whether to abbreviate itself.
26:08 - 27:37 - Final judgments.
27:38 - 28:49 - We announce a shameless ploy to increase listenership.
28:50 - 32:29 - A long-absent segment makes its triumphant return.
32:30 - 38:20 - The sad bastards recommend.
38:21 - 42:08 - Some podcast business is taken care of, amidst copious gibberish.
42:09 - 43:21 - Goodbyes, theme music, and outtakes.

I apologize that the audio quality is slightly lower than the previous few episodes.  My allergy-addled mind didn't take enough time checking the levels, so I sound slightly louder and cracklier than Stu or Elliott, despite doing my best to fix it in post.

A heartwarming story about spiders disintegrates into despair and recrimination.  Enjoy!

We squander our newfound viral success by spending this episode talking about the movie Bratz.  Meanwhile, Stuart solves an unsolvable math problem, Dan lauds the film's convention-defying use of time, and Elliott gives the youth a lesson about teetotaling. 

0:00 - 0:34 - Introduction and theme.
0:35 - 2:19 - A noble attempt at professionalism crashes and burns almost immediately.  Also, we explain our mission statement.
2:20 - 40:37 - We giggle like grade-school girls over the Bratz movie.
40:38 - 43:34 - Final judgements.
43:35 - 54:38 - The sad bastards recommend.
54:39 - 57:37 - Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We atone for the lack of full-length episodes, due to Dan's vacation, with this: a movie minute so long so as to render the concept useless.  Enjoy!

We devote this Flop House Movie Minute to the ultimate in nostalgia sequels.

In our least-edited show yet we discover that big stars, glossy production values, and a classic story can't save you from being snatch'd by the Flop House, as we discuss The Invasion.  Meanwhile, Elliott tries to sell us on his medical humor, Stuart imagines the sassy sentient skateboard of his dreams, and Dan auditions for several other podcasts.

0:00 - 0:35 Introduction and theme
0:36 - 2:46 A podcast warning is issued, and a dead-on George Takai impression is met with thundering indifference.
2:46 - 40:54 We talk about The Invasion, the latest and least-greatest take on Invasion of the Body Snatchers.  At least Nicole Kidman wears a tight sweater.
40:55 - 42:38 Final judgments.
42:39 - 55:09 The sad bastards recommend.
55:10 - 56:05 Some nonsense about Karate Kid to close the show.
56:07 - 58:56 Thanks, podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

In the second of our short, supplemental episodes, noted raconteur Stuart Wellington describes his encounter with noted werewolf-hunter Kate Beckinsale.

0:00 - 0:30 - Introduction and theme.
0:30 - 3:21 - We waste a fair amount of time talking about our new microphones.
3:22 - 28:50 - Jessica Alba AND Hayden Christensen?  Is there any way the movie Awake CAN'T be good?
28:51 - 37:20 Final judgements
37:21 - 38:57 A brief intermission for a story about Dan in his pajamas.
38:58 - 51:44 The sad bastards recommend
51:45 - 56:26 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

We're going to start producing short, supplemental episodes to put out in weeks without a full-length Flop House, so that listeners don't have to wait quite so long for new content.  In this first episode, Dan addresses some of the material lost (thanks to technical difficulties) from the Awards Floptacular episode.

We hope you like the new Movie Minute supplements.  Thanks for listening.

Special guest Elliott Kalan returns to discuss what has been called "The Academy Awards of movies," the Oscars. Meanwhile, Stuart hands out tips about the Internet, Dan learns what it means to be a really unlikely stripper, and Elliott fears running afoul of Wayne Enterprises. 0:00 - 0:33 Introduction and theme. 0:34 - 31:49 Welcoming special guest host, Elliott Kalan (segment producer, The Daily Show; humor columnist, Metro), and discussion of the 80th annual Academy Awards. 31:50 - 39:30 Elliott discusses his own experiences helping to produce the 2006 Oscars telecast, and Dan tries to jump in with his own shameless name-dropping. 39:31 - 43:15 We discuss the Razzies, which, coincidentally, was dominated by the film we watched the last time Elliott guest hosted. 43:16 - 45:51 We get bored talking about the Razzies and drift back to the Oscars. 45:52 - 46:39 Dan's cursed laptop provides the show with a shocking twist ending. Also, podcasty business is briefly addressed. 46:40 - 47:26 End theme and outtakes. NOTE: I incorrectly identified our email address as "theflophouse" at gmail.com. It is, of course, "theflophousepodcast" (of course because, in 2008, every other damn email address had been taken).

Comedian Ritch Duncan joins us, to talk about Good Luck Chuck, starring "comedian" Dane Cook, in a poignant film about love lost, found, and crotch-biting penguins. Meanwhile Dan makes a plea for exploitation filmmakers to stick to their guns, Ritch explains when to allow a bird to ingest its own feces, and Stuart encourages our audience in an act of vandalism against video stores across the nation. 0:00 - 0:32 Introduction and theme. 0:32 - 1:35 Welcoming special guest host Ritch Duncan, stand-up comic, and former editor-in-chief for Jest Magazine, and former writer for PRI's Fair Game and Comedy Central's Tough Crowd With Colin Quinn. 1:36 - 41:00 We upchuck Good Luck Chuck - a movie which, by the way, is about as unfunny and unpleasant as the first part of this sentence. 41:01 - 45:35 For the very first time, a movie manages to break the Final Judgement segment of The Flop House. 45:36 - 54:02 The sad bastards recommend. 54:03 - 55:12 Goodbyes, theme, and outtakes. Two notes, one good, one bad: The GOOD: I've discovered how to compress these files further, so that, going forward, the shows will not be monster 80 MB downloads. Sorry about the size of previous episodes. You'll note that this one, despite being nearly an hour, is a svelte 25 MB. The BAD: This episode has an (extremely, extremely quiet, but still noticeable) constant stream of background chatter. I do not know why. Most likely, the headphones for my TV were switched on, and near the mic, while recording, so that we could not hear this ambient noise during the session, but it got picked up on the podcast. Sorry about that -- it won't happen again. In the meanwhile, why don't you pretend that you're listening to this episode on old-fashioned terrestrial radio, and what you're hearing is the next channel in the AM dial bleeding into this one. It'll make you feel like you're on a long road trip with your parents... except that your folks are inexplicably listening to three foul-mouthed guys kicking a movie while it's down. Enjoy!

In this episode, Colbert Report staff writer Frank Lesser joins us, to see what happens next, in Next (hint: it has something to do with Nicholas Cage's hair). Meanwhile, Stuart reveals his vulnerability to bullets, Dan describes his super-power, and Frank pitches a romantic comedy built on Next's charred remains. 0:00 – 0:35 Introduction and theme. 0:36 – 7:42 Our guest host Frank Lesser is introduced, and we indulge in some off-topic discussion of M. Night Shyamalan, and of Heath Ledger's untimely demise. 7:43 – 33:33 What happens if they make a movie with Nic Cage, Julianne Moore, and Jessica Biel and no-one comes? They name it Next. 33:34 – 38:35 Final judgments. 38:36 - 42:30 The sad bastards recommend. 42:31 - 56:50 A once-proud podcast devolves into a conversation about recent movies, including Juno, I Am Legend, and The Mist. 56:51 – 57:49 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

Daily Show segment producer and Metro columnist Elliott Kalan joins us, to discuss Lindsay Lohan's tour de force dual performance as a girl and another, slightly sluttier girl, in I Know Who Killed Me.  Meanwhile, Stuart discusses decorating plans for his evidence dungeon, Dan mentions a lost Neil Simon play that should stay lost, and Elliott fills us in on the life and works of Art Bell.

0:00 – 0:32 Introduction and theme.
0:33 – 36:54 I Know Who Killed Me - just as lurid as the title suggests?  Or lurid-er?
36:55 – 40:15 Final judgments.
40:16 – 45:13 The sad bastards recommend.
45:14 – 48:13 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

A note: we've eliminated the movie synopsis at the beginning of the episode, as we've heard people say that they'd rather just get into the fun stuff right away.  However, if you want a little context for the discussion, we'll still post links to the Wikipedia pages for these films, which tend to have fairly thorough plot summaries.
Daily Show segment producer and Metro columnist Elliott Kalan joins us, to discuss Lindsay Lohan's tour de force dual performance as a girl and another, slightly sluttier girl, in I Know Who Killed Me.  Meanwhile, Stuart discusses decorating plans for his evidence dungeon, Dan mentions a lost Neil Simon play that should stay lost, and Elliott fills us in on the life and works of Art Bell.

0:00 – 0:32 Introduction and theme.
0:33 – 36:54 I Know Who Killed Me - just as lurid as the title suggests?  Or lurid-er?
36:55 – 40:15 Final judgments.
40:16 – 45:13 The sad bastards recommend.
45:14 – 48:13 Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

A note: we've eliminated the movie synopsis at the beginning of the episode, as we've heard people say that they'd rather just get into the fun stuff right away.  However, if you want a little context for the discussion, we'll still post links to the Wikipedia pages for these films, which tend to have fairly thorough plot summaries.

In our first episode sans Simon, we welcome friend-of-the-show Jeanette Laird to the guest host seat, to discuss the Kevin Costner split-personality serial killer film Mr. Brooks.  Meanwhile, Stuart makes a movie pitch, Dan reveals an embarrassing secret about Charlie’s Angels, and Jeanette teaches us how to kill a man.

0:00 – 0:36 Introduction and theme.
0:37 – 2:50 Partial synopsis of Mr. Brooks, courtesy of Wikipedia.
2:51 – 28:02 Something’s happening here and you don’t know what it is, do you, Mr. Brooks?
28:03 – 31:16 Final judgments.
31:17 – 36:55 The sad bastards recommend.
36:56 – Podcasty business, goodbyes, theme, and outtakes.

*A small apology for the audio quality of some of this episode.  I have no idea why my voice sounds so booming at times, while Stuart and Jeanette sound like they are in the next room, other than the obvious explanation that I am 40 feet tall.